The essence of hospitality, of being a host and hostess, is to think primarily of the peo­ple you entertain, of their comfort and their enjoyment. Most people would agree to this, but it cannot be so taken for granted.

In planning a party the host and hostess do not think primarily of what they like to do. They consider their guests and try to plan what most of them will enjoy. If the host's favorite dish is squid or tripe, or some other fairly unusual food, it will perhaps be saved for family meals and not served to guests who may not like it. I find, however, that most people will eat all sorts of foods at a party which they might refuse to eat at home, and eat them with relish.

However, your major concern is to plan a good time for your guests: food, conversation, games, and anything else that goes to make the party. This doesn't mean that you do nothing you yourselves like, only that you be as honest as you can be about whether your favorite games, foods, etc., are peculiarly yours or would appeal to other people. You may have to go through a period of trial and error before you can be sure about this, but if you are sensitive to the reactions of others, you will learn what's popular and what's unpopular or distasteful.

Happy guests are the reward for planning for their comfort; the host knows that his party is a good one and he, in turn, can get greater fun out of his own party.

There are, of course, all sorts of ways to spoil the party for yourselves, and thereby for others. If you are nervous and unsure and, above all, apologetic about anything at all, you will take most of the joy out of the occasion. When you give a party, you offer your best to your guests. If you think your best is pretty bad, and show it, your guests are likely to agree with you. But the truth is that nobody's best can be bad. If you've planned the party well, you can relax and know that you've nothing to apologize for. People accept your invitations because they want to come to your house; they want to enjoy you and your party. If this is not the case, it's their fault and if they don't like what they get, they deserve it! There is no reason for a host who has planned well not to have that inner assurance, that calm and poise which are so quickly communi­cated to the people they entertain. With that inner assurance guests will accept and enjoy ways of entertaining they may never have thought of.